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[Verse 1] I draw down from the well where it gathers Time is a river that carries and buries If you wait for the right time, you'll never be ready But sometimes every cell in my skin feels too heavy We all know something's gone wrong Looking for convenient scapegoats to blame it on With all the problems that we have to contend with Why are trans bodies always on the agenda I'm alive, thirty-five years dying to breathe Was on my knees, fighting panic at the back of the stage Looking for salvation in the crowd Tryna hold it up, but I couldn't hold it down I was swimming, but the waters were rising Terrified if I told the truth and stopped hiding And said what I couldn't bear to say to myself I would sacrifice everything I'd made for myself My family, my friends, the people who felt my music, would all leave It was a belt 'round my neck It was too big to look at square on, it kept growing I'd known it forever, but I tried to stop knowing Thank God, for the multitudes in us The younger selves that will not give up even when we're inclined to If you turn your back on the light for too long The light doesn't die, it just stops trying to find you
[Chorus] I stand on a line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind before that Before that, to the dawn of all time That extends, that extends To the end of it all, where it begins again I stand on the line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind Before that Before that To the dawn of all time Going in, going in To the end where it all begins
[Verse 2] Up from the rubble now, love is the muscle I train I walk myself home in the rain I know it hurts you when they look at you strange Misgender you intentionally, use your deadname When they point blank refuse you, call you confusing Assault you in the street until you're hardly moving I adore us, I do it all for us Our warmth is a portal We're awkward and graceful The place we are from is eternal And what we embody is healing and perfect Resilience As long as we're getting killed for our differences We have to keep living, keep living through it Thirty-seven, going through a second puberty Out in the limelight like please, nobody look at me I'm looking for myself, all I'm seeing is the bitterness Coming my way when I'm using the facilities And how many strangers will I upset today with my existence Skip through it I guess, keep resisting The T's putting hairs on my chest, spots on my chin, my emotions are not what they've been I'm just trying to cause an effect When I pause and reflect on the years spent exhausted and wrecked I just want to go back, put it all on the deck And say, "Child, just keep going, keep drawing your breath"
[Chorus] I stand on a line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind before that Before that, to the dawn of all time That extends, that extends To the end of it all, where it begins again I stand on the line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind before that Before that To the dawn of all time Going in, going in To the end where it all begins
2.
Statue in the Square
[Verse 1] Well, either I'm nice on the eye Or this person that's passing me by has never seen one Like me before, we endure it Keep reaching for it, knee deep, we keep pouring Life force in a formless void, we're too gorgeous Dwarf the whole street when we walk, are you transported I cherish the ones who support us Fear takes from us but love restores us You are not the sum of the things you do wrong In the eyes of someone who does not understand you It's not a disorder or a dysfunction Disgusting the way they discuss us But just 'cause a person's not decent to me Don't mean they're not decent to someone The norm is not normal: it's a construction Designed to stifle the inner life and increase production
[Chorus] They never wanted people like me round here But when I'm dead, they'll put my statue in the square They used to tell their children not to stare But when I'm dead, they'll put my statue in the square Yeah, they're ten a penny, we're rare And when we're dead, they'll put our statues in the square They can shake their heads in despair But we been here from the start and we ain't going nowhere
[Verse 2] Spent my life trying to do things your way, normal didn't feel right Trapped in a shrinking hallway till it got too tight Deep breath, fresh air when I broke the surface Yes, we've all lost lovers, what's sad is a lost purpose Reclaim it, reframe it, rename it, something more fitting Contain it, champagne it, complaining never did nothing But hitting the ground running's a start; hold your position Tape it up, tuck it, and love it beyond condition Watching the city surrender to rain, I remember to live is to change I don't pray for the end of my pain, I pray for the strength to weather it Paused on the brink of a gaping precipice, hesitant, derelict, slow from the sedative Terrified people never stop asking where the treasure is, I'm like: everything's relative So don't be surprised when they shield their eyes What they fear's a reflection of their own minds They reveal themselves in their dead headlines It's fine, we don't need permission to shine
[Chorus] They never wanted people like me round here But when I'm dead, they'll put my statue in the square They used to tell their children not to stare But when I'm dead, they'll put my statue in the square Yeah, they're ten a penny, we're rare And when we're dead, they'll put our statues in the square They can shake their heads in despair But we been here from the start and we ain't going nowhere
3.
Know Yourself
[Intro] If you saw the younger you, what would you say to them I would say, "Thanks." I would say "Peace" I'd tell "Soon child, you're going to find release"
[Verse 1] Long time coming to right now pipe down lifetime looking for things I thought I'd found already, falling to the floor like I'm alright I'm steady I send myself back so I can tell me Twenty years deep in the rhyme of beats and I'm still so far from finding peace Every line is a ladder I can climb through time and I walk Straight faced through these winding streets I eat the bread of rhythm I drink the milk of rhyme I've been carrying a bag of shame that's bigger than me Dragging it behind me, up an endless staircase, until the day I realised this doesn't mean what I think it does I don't need to carry this forever, I left it in the clearing by the fire pit and ran Back to the child I was looking for an elder I saw myself there I took myself by the hand
[Chorus] When I was young I sought help from my older self I came into my head I told me know yourself When I was young I sought help from my older self I came into my head I told me know yourself
[Verse 2] I was seventeen heaven seemed close enough to touch I had never been happier, chest against the barrier Watching Wu-Tang my own character starting to bloom I was learning how to capture a room in two phrases Twenty years deep in the rhymes of beats close my eyes and speak down the wires of time I go back to the child I was when I put myself on the line I had to beg for the mic, I had to deal with they ignorance, had to get better I wanted bigger things These days, those days they are far away, try and catch them in my sights but they start to fade Now I sit amongst crate loads of rhyme books and I think about the days that the time took I thank the little me that put the work in Could you picture me when you were spitting sixteens Surfing the top deck penning them bars, underaged in the clubs taking charge of the mic Precautious little nothing with the world in his sights I am on it now I will work harder This is peace to the kid I came after (Peace to the kid I came after) The words of the bridge between the present and the past I know myself at last
[Chorus] When I was young I sought help from my older self I came into my head I told me know yourself When I was young I sought help from my older self I came into my head I told me know yourself
I told me know yourself
[Outro] Soon child you're going to find release (Soon child you're going to find release)
4.
Sunshine on Catford
[Intro] You, you, you, you, you And furthermore, you And another thing, you I can't believe the sound of my laughter when you're in front of me I can't believe the peace I feel in your company When did it happen Happiness I thought I knew love, but I never knew this
[Verse 1] You never break my spirits down Never make me feel ashamed You always praise my efforts Raise my energy Make an effort to know my friends I was so lonely for you before we met But sitting on the bus with the rain on the windows And your head on my shoulder You, you, you, you, you And furthermore me And another thing, us You teach me so much Every day that I wake to the smile on your face And the feel of your touch
[Chorus] I never knew How little I knew until I met you I never knew How perfect things were, until I was perfect for you I never knew How little I knew until I met you I never knew How perfect I was, until I was perfect for you
[Verse 2] It used to be I wore my sadness like a heavy coat Soaked through It kept me apart from the world And it was always too tight at my throat Loneliness It rained and rained Until I felt your reaching hand That's when the sun came out and it shone on us Like the whole thing had been planned It's not all roses, no, we got more thorns than most for sure But you've given me things I never knew I never had before Thank you, I say to the starlings in the supermarket carpark Thank you, I say to your empty glass when I hand it back to the bar staff I never knew it But I never knew I didn't know it And now I know it, there's no way back So let's you, you, you and I Do this till we die And love each other till we collapse
[Chorus] I never knew How little I knew until I met you I never knew How perfect things were, until I was perfect for you I never knew How little I knew until I met you I never knew How perfect I was, until I was perfect for you
[Outro] You, you, you, you Sunshine on Catford You, you, you, you
5.
Bless the Bold Future
6.
Everything All Together
7.
Prayers to Whisper
[Verse 1] I cried at the wake of course I smoked outside the door And I spoken, choir of circles about a pain nothing could cure You said "at least she does not suffer anymore"
[Verse 2] For everyday you couldn't bare, for every night that ran you raw For all the words you didn't have to name the things you saw "At least they did not suffer anymore"
[Verse 3] My anger is useless and impossible to ignore Is that your shadow in the corner keeping score Well at least you do not suffer anymore
[Chorus] Prayers to whisper, drinks to pour 'Cause you have so much left in store We built a fire we let it roar 'Cause you have so much left in store
[Verse 4] I saw this stranger in a jacket that you wore And it hurt me to remember the girl I knew before But at least you do not suffer anymore
[Verse 5] Even way back then you were a prisoner of war Your style's was twisted as the driftwood that washed up on the shore But at least you do not suffer anymore
[Verse 6] Jury's out ,decisions split, was it bravery? Was it cowardice Nobody is sure because we suffer more and more But we know you don't suffer anymore, I've got
[Chorus] Prayers to whisper, drinks to pour 'Cause you have so much left in store We built a fire we let it roar 'Cause you have so much left in store
[Chorus] Prayers to whisper, drinks to pour 'Cause you have so much left in store We built a fire we let it roar 'Cause you have so much left in store
8.
Diagnoses
[Verse 1] Me and you and our diagnoses A perfect match in a bag of explosives Catch of the day in a toxic ocean Nothing wrong with us, it's the world that's broken Two tokens short of the rollercoaster Ancient conditions With brand new solutions In the old days they'd be doing ablutions I'd be a prophet and you'd be a seer Or you'd be a healer, I'd be a freak Run away with the circus Then we'd meet after work for a barrel of beer, yeah
[Verse 2] Me and you and our diagnoses All cosied up but it's hard to focus Me and you and our trauma flashbacks Relaxing at home with a hornet's backpack Stuffed full of my dysphoria Your dyspraxia, off exploring Panic attacks to get the heart rate up Good cardio-vascular, will get back to ya afterwards Short psychotic episode If I even leave the house I'll forget to close the door I'll forget what I went out for And come back with a random object or four Quetiapine, lamotrigine, fluoxetine You'll wash it down with Listerine I've never felt so at home Since methylphenidate and testosterone
[Chorus] C-PTSD, ADHD, OCD and PMDD Anxious attachment, TBI But it's the world that's sick, baby, we're alright C-PTSD, ADHD, anxiety Bipolar, addiction, neurodivergence I'd be more worried if we weren't disturbed
[Verse 3] We got our own alphabet Big bunch of letters between you and I It's the right response to a world gone wrong And we're getting on just fine Me and you and our diagnoses Out for a wander with coffee and oatmilk The posher the roastery, the more you want it Cause you came from nothing And you're out for the summit
[Verse 4] So we go hard but it's softly, softly And we're so scarred but it's not a problem There's a lot of good reasons to stop what we're doing But my disassociation means I've forgotten, hah I'm overwhelmed and over diagnosed And overexposed, I suppose With all these letters we're dragging around It's lucky I turned that MBE down We just take it day by day Staying doesn't mean you never want to run away It means you weather it Whether it's pleasure every minute Or a bit of hard graft, grin hold fast
[Chorus] C-PTSD, ADHD, OCD and PMDD Anxious attachment, TBI It's the world that's sick, baby, we're alright C-PTSD, ADHD, anxiety Bipolar, addiction, neurodivergence I'd be more worried if we weren't disturbed
9.
Hyperdistillation
10.
Forever
11.
Breathe
12.
Till Morning
[Verse 1] The impact of it still ringing, you dance in the crater it left All day long I can hear you singing, but you wake in the night I hear you catching your breath Six months now, you barely slept I wonder how many others are stuck on the same map Survivors built in the hidden depths, Survivors guilt like an empty trap Everyday of your life is a victory lap, I'm proud to be running it with you But when you get lost in flashbacks, I miss you I'm picking up the slack but my hands are slipping It was the worst betrayal, resurfacing now that your life is stable I know you're a soldier, but where do you go when your eyes glaze over
[Chorus] I wish I could travel through time, find that child, guard her door I would sit on the floor outside of your room till morning I wish I could travel through time, find that child, guard her door I would sit on the floor outside of your room till morning
[Verse 2] It's not the whole story it's not even the beginning it's just one thread in the tapestry If you put it in long enough the bigger picture unravels and reveals the travesty Still we laugh all the time, it's good for the pain Heart's into climbing this mountain together Now you're high enough to start enjoying the view but the shadows down below are getting closer every second Good thing you're as tough as they make em you got it from the people you came from Remember when you feel that you can't keep hold you're an old soul, gold and you will not fold Some nights you wait forever, sure you can't take the pressure When the dark feels like it'll never lift that's when the sky grows pale and the morning lives
[Chorus] I wish I could travel through time, find that child, guard her door I would sit on the floor outside of your room till morning I wish I could travel through time, find that child, guard her door I would sit on the floor outside of your room till morning
[Verse 3] One in four is it a surprise how many people in your life have that bitter little of bit of grit stinging in their eyes, but they do grow up and they thrive It ain't the boogieman or the stranger in the park it's the friend of the family, it's the relative you're staying with If that's too hard to think of, too dark what about the people who were living everyday with it When the past is a murky swamp full of shapes that you can't look at square on, keep going I know what's on your mind when you lose your words you start shrinking through space like you don't deserve to exist Woo's too wild to tame for what it's worth I understand shame You kiss mine to dust I just hope I can do the same
[Chorus 2] Maybe we can travel through time, find that child, guard that door We can sit on the floor outside her room together Maybe we can travel through time, find that child, guard that door We can sit on the floor outside her room together, until morning